Louis Burke | Culture | Contact

Local man Ryan Devlin (27) is in for another long and mostly sleepless night as he once again tries and fails to forget high school.

Ten years after graduating from Betoota High, the investment banker feels like his high school blunder years are simultaneously a lifetime ago and a horrible reoccurring nightmare he relives daily.

“I asked out Bella in front of the whole class,” mused a sleepless Devlin, lying next to his longtime girlfriend.

“I wish I could move on.”

Despite now having a well-paying job, worldly experiences and a loving partner, Devlin can’t seem to rid himself of the intense shame he feels when he remembers scoring an own goal during his year 9 soccer tryouts.

Devlin hopes his visible achievements will do well to impress his peers at his upcoming high school reunion, as long as no one brings up the two weeks he spent walking around like Jack Sparrow after seeing Pirates of the Carribean 2.

According to Devlin’s girlfriend Teresa Thomas (26), her boyfriend usually avoids discussing high school, preferring instead to talk about any other time in his life when he didn’t wear a fedora.

“He got good marks in the end, I don’t know why he’s so embarrassed,” stated Thomas.

“Could have something to do with his high school band. They were punk-ska but that’s all he will tell me.”

Devlin hopes his reunion may provide him with a chance to reconnect with others who may feel the same way as him, including other members of his former band Howard Coward Killerz.



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