ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A seemingly normal young man from our town’s north has spoken today of doing something not-so-normal by societal standards.

When Matt Deap was just a boy, his old boy took him to see the first Jackass “film” at the Reading Cinemas in the French Quarter. While his father was repulsed by nearly every stunt and wondered if his son needed to see a psychologist, the then 12-year-old Matt said the movie left a lasting impression on him.

“I can’t help it,” he told The Advocate in the bathroom section of the Betoota Heights Bunnings.

“You remember the first Jackass when Dave [England] went into that hardware shop and just took a shit in the toilet? Man, I thought that was so funny,”

“Ever since then, I’ve just wanted to do it. Like, whenever I come to Bunnings, I walk up to this aisle and have these really intrusive thoughts about dropping my pants and going boom boom in that Caroma over there. Like, I have a normal job and a family and everything. If I took a shit in that display toilet over there, I’d probably lose everything,”

“I don’t know why I get this surge. I’m chalking it up to Jackass because that’s the only spot I’ve seen it done. Like that bloke in Sydney or Melbourne or some other windswept shithole like that, the poo jogger. Man, I don’t condone that type of thing but I understand it. It’s actually so funny. Like taking a shit on someone’s garden path, then having them clean it up is the height of comedy for me.”

When asked by our reporter if there was anything stopping Matt from just taking a full-on shit in one of the dozen or so display toilets in front of them, Matt shrugged.

“Society, I guess,” he said.

“But like you mean physically? No way. Nothing could stop me. Not even you. I could do it but I won’t, even though I kind of want to.”

More to come.


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