ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The social caste system that is the Australian property market is under threat, says the Liberal Party, who today announced that letting people on a medium-to-low income enter the property market will lead to a chronic shortage of renters.

“People who invest in property, hard-working Australian families, need other hard-working Australian families to occupy their property and pay off the mortgage. Because the Australian dream is not to just own a house, but to own several and have an underclass of lazy, amoral people pay the mortgage for you,” said Scott Morrison today in the nation’s south.

Flanked by Housing Minister Michael Sukkar, the Prime Minister hit back against Labor’s policy to use public money to fund a scheme to shoehorn workers into stable housing.

“It’s a pie-in-the-sky solution to a complex problem,” added Sukkar.

“You can’t just change the goalposts after nine years of astute government policy. If we see a sharp correction in the price of housing, you’ll put people under a bridge,”

“Imagine investing in a two-bedroom unit in Sydney. You pay a million dollars. But it’s a blonde brick complex with a crook name like ‘Sea Crest’ or something like that. In reality, it’s worth about half that. Because, at the end of the day, it’s got no sun and it’s full of concrete cancer but because of the rush, you didn’t get a building report, you just had to get into the housing market. You spent 20 minutes in the mouldy fuckhole before you put your cock on the anvil and let the bank’s hammer go clang. That’s it. A million dollars in the hole. You are chained to your corporate johnny desk until you’re too old to shit in a cubical without those little handrails. What Labor proposes to do will devalue your investment. They will make it easier who didn’t have to crawl through a river of shit, like you, to get into the housing market. They will get a shortcut you didn’t have. And who will pay off your mortgage when you rip the equity out of it and buy another, nicer flat?”

“There will be nobody left to do it. They’ll all have a mortgage of their own. That’s what Labor wants. They want to level the playing field for people who weren’t lucky enough to be born in the right postcode to the right parents. They want to give those people a go and they want to punish people like you, the investor, for being greedy. Greedy? I don’t think so.”

More to come.


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