ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A 456-month-old baby told The Advocate today that he was just trying to have a peaceful shit at the pub after lunch and as he closed the cubicle door, he saw the last thing he thought he’d see.

On the back of the toilet door, Martin Gunk saw a handwritten electorate advertisement for Kooyong hopeful Josh Frydenberg.

The 38-year-old was walking down Glenferrie Road in Melbourne’s leafiest enclave of Toorak when the lunch he absolutely demolished up the road in Hawthorn demanded more room in his digestive tract.

“So I walked in off the street and into the Malvern Hotel, making a bee-line for the bathrooms,” he said.

“There was a man at the urinal and we locked eyes. He knew what I was about to do. I ran in and shut the door, got myself ready then felt something move behind my belly button. When I heard the door creak open and closed, I let out a satisfying moan and let my head playfully fall into my hands,”

“My vagus nerve had been tickled and I needed a moment to regather. Then bang. A little note on the back of the cubicle, telling me that if I was looking for a good time, I should vote for the Liberal Party. It might’ve been the serotonin running through my brain but that just about floored me,”

“There I was, in the most vulnerable moment of my day so far, just trying to enjoy a dump in peace and I’m getting bombarded by advertising material,”

“Is nothing sacred?”

More to come.


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