EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As the Greens candidates have set quickly to work reinvigorating the Riverside expressway and returning the brown snake to its original colour, they’ve also had an inadvertent effect on Queensland’s carbon emissions as more people adapt to the new Greenie lifestyle.

This is due to an uptick in people doing exactly what the United Australia Party prophesied would happen should the Greens get in, and spending their disposable income on smoking weed.

So prolific is the surge in people taking up doobies, that the entire city of Brisbane has now been completely cloaked in a protective layer of smoke, making it impossible for planes to fly in or out of the airport. And considering Australia’s second busiest airport sees an approximate 700 aircrafts operate on a daily basis, this has had a significant cumulative effect on the environment.

Though many would argue that weed smoke could be just as damaging to the environment, local ‘herbalist’ and self confessed radical Ian Hyke says the pollution from growing weed pales in comparison to an aircraft – especially seeing as there’s been a rise in homegrown cannabis instead of large scale hydroponic systems.

Speaking to Ian, The Advocate learns that the smoke has also had an effect on motorised transport, as nervous drivers have been seen reducing their speed or avoiding driving altogether – which is exactly what the Greens had planned all along.

“Brisbane City Council achieved a carbon neutral status a while ago, but we knew getting the whole of Queensland there would be difficult”, says Ian.

“Especially fucking Mt Isa, they’ve been a bit of a ball and chain.”

“But the pot smoke has also been able to effectively dilute all the sulphur dioxide, mercury, coarse and fine particles released by the mines.”

“And like, weed’s from the earth man, so it’s all good hahaha.”

“I mean…yeah, some of the kids are getting high as fuck, but you know what’s worse than a bit of red eye?”

“Losing your entire future to a climate apocalypse bro.”

More to come.


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