ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Nationals leader David Littleproud is slowly putting jigsaw pieces together in his head today after falling through the floor of his office into a secret rum cellar.
Our local member told The Advocate that he wasn’t sure how much grog was being kept under his desk but agreed with the measurement that it’d Bon Scott the city of Dublin a few times over.
“Oh man,” he said over the phone this afternoon.
“I’d just got back from lunch, I was as full as a butcher’s dog and then the floor gives way. I fall down into this cellar and it’s chock full of rum and assorted boxes of wine from Greys Online. Stuff that’d take the finish off Derryn Hinch’s second-hand liver! Chardonnay from the turn of the millennium, red wine from 2010 so it’s all fucked from Black Saturday. You name it, it was probably down there,”
“There was a box of Midori left over from Riverina Mike [Michael McCormac]. But the thing that blew my socks off was this inverted 20L drum of Bundaberg Rum attached to a drench gun. There was a stool next to it with a March copy of The Armidale Express on it. It all makes so much sense. This is where Barnaby used to go when he said he was going to the gym.”
Mr Littleproud went on to say a few other things were being stored down there, such as Bob Katter’s old L1A1 SLR and a working Vickers machine gun. A pallet of softpack Peter Stuyvesants belonging to former leader Warren Truss was in one corner with a ‘Do not touch, Barny’ sign stuck on the plastic wrapping. John Anderson, long time deputy to John Howard, had a wheelbarrow full of the finest Mullaley black soil that he used to come down and smell from time to time.
“I remember when John took me down to see the black soil, back in the day,” said Mr Littleproud.
“He used to say, ‘You ever seen soil like this, boy? You could make babies with this soil, you hear me, boy?’ and I’d just nod and say it was like the soil in Chinchilla that we grow watermelons in and he’d flip the fuck out and tell me I was an idiot and so on. We’ve come a long way as a party since then,”
“But yeah, good to know what’s down here. I always thought it was a carpark.”
More to come.