ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The most locked-down city in the world will emerge finally from their latest societal freeze tonight at midnight in what the Victorian Premier Dan Andrews calls the granting of the wishes of his many and varied critics.

“Get busy living or get busy dying, you old toffs,” said Andrews today in Melbourne.

“You’ve got your wish, now go out and live your life. Show us all how tough you are. Show us that this virus is simply a savage version of the common flu that can easily be vanquished with a few Codrals, a good doona and a strong constitution,”

“So go out and visit your local tonight or tomorrow night, I don’t care. Shake hands with half of Broadmeadows, if you can stand being in the same pub as them. You can go do what you want. Go clog up some sandbelt golf course or go down to Portsea and ride your $4000 road bike down the middle of their streets. I don’t care. Just live your life,”

“Don’t be afraid, it’s just a slightly more dangerous version of the flu. Don’t come sooking to me when grandpa is coughing his organs out in some private hospital while the doctors just shrug at you. Not my problem.”

More to come.


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