ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A couple originally from Betoota Grove who decided to take their ill-gotten, inherited wealth to Byron Bay last year have even painted the fucking floor of their new house white.

It’s not known whether Alfonso and Sarah Sapian just had a lot of leftover white paint but their decision to paint the floor of their modest 4-bedroom home arctic white has raised a few eyebrows in town.

But, as we dumb fucking rurals do not understand, by painting their floor white, the Sapian’s have brought their house up to local council regulations that stipulate all floors, walls and ceilings in the Byron Bay Council must be painted fucking white.

Section 7a of the council’s building code also calls for wicker furniture, some sort of palm leaf tapestry on the wall, a fireplace you can’t use and a pastel Smeg kettle.

Alfonso Sapian, who simply lay on the couch doing fuck all waiting until his wealthy father died, said he wanted to go with a more retro look but reckons the council isn’t to be fucked with in the Bay.

“They’d shoot you and dump you up the bush if they caught you with a carpeted bedroom up here,” he said.

“God’s honest truth, that. But yeah, look. What you see is pretty much what happened. We started painting in one corner of the house. The floors, walls, ceiling, doors, carpet, benches and so on. Until we got to the end. We closed the house and let it dry for a few days, then we started moving all our shit back in,”

“I paid nearly five million for this fucking place and I still can’t do what I want. Does that make me an idiot?”

More to come.


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