ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An agency professional from our town’s bohemian French Quarter says he’s found the perfect car to complete his aesthetic.

The vehicle that Kevin Bentpole showed our reporter was a high-kilometre Volvo stationwagon from the early 90s that looked to be completely rooted inside and out.

“I just love the way it looks,” he said.

“And no, it doesn’t have Bluetooth! Yeah, it’s a shame that I can’t even afford a new car [laughs] but that’s the peril of being a millennial. Being able to afford to live but not being able to afford to age,”

“Anyway, they want $17 000 for it, which I think is fair. Plus, I’m a bit of a meek little bitch so I won’t haggle with him. Well, maybe if it’s a woman but not a tough old one that reminds me of my own mother. If it’s another man, forget about it.”

The Volvo 240L, famous for its guttural moan under light acceleration, appalling handling and penchant to rust everywhere, has gone through a relative renaissance in this country which is being fuelled by young, urban creatives who have asset-rich parents so nothing they do in their life matters because they’re going to inherit more money than they could ever earn so why even fucking bother.

That’s got one local owner of a 240 very excited.

Local Volvo enthusiast, Tom Clutch said he didn’t like the Swedish marque until he jammed a peg in the door-lock mechanism of his microwave and popped his head in while it was on.

“Ever since then, I’ve been into Volvos,” he said.

“They’re actually pretty good cars. Like Toyotas except they break down all the time. The new ones are OK but the old ones, they’re the ones I love,”

“I had to get a water pump done in my 240 about a year ago and the mechanic just laughed at me and said, ‘Why don’t you just torch the cunt, mate?’ and I told him that I didn’t find insurance fraud funny and then he laughed again and said, ‘Righto, Sven. I can do it for $2400. Parts are not cheap and taking apart the moaning box will take me a day so take it or leave it,’ and now I can’t afford to go skiing next year.”

More to come.


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