LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Despite lockdown ending at noon today, the 2.2 million residents of the Queensland capital of Brisbane are yet to exit their homes to enjoy their newfound freedom after three days of lockdown.

Known as the Brown Jewel of the East Coast, Brisbane has thus far braved the pandemic with the confidence that only comes from not having to worry about overseas visitors.  

However, that did not stop a snap lockdown called by Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk in response to a small Covid-19 outbreak in Brisbane, leaving more people trapped indoors since Powderfinger did a free online concert.

Ask any Bris-Vegas local however and they’ll tell you this sans-Fanning lockdown is just fine because it is fucking freezing outside hey?

“19 degrees by 8pm? Tell Josh he can’t go out tomorrow if he doesn’t find that coat,” said concerned Indooroopilly dad Mavin Leonard.

“Shit the dog! Put the balaclava on and bring in the dog!” 

Due to being blessed with the sort of weather God had in mind when he created Earth, Queenslanders are not famous for their ability to tolerate even the gentlest of breezes for fear of contracting hypothermia and/or frostbite.

Already one Greenslopes mum has been treated for chilblains after checking the letterbox while wearing thongs.

Premier Palaszczuk has made a commitment to warming up the state by pledging to mine the absolute shit out of some coal.



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