ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After being told to stay inside and away from a foreign super flu for what seems like fifty years, a Sydney woman with roots in the Diamantina has said she looked into making her own croissants because she was that fucking bored.

But looking through the list of ingredients this afternoon, Lucy Trangia said she was visibly shaken and frustrated at the sheer cost of butter sheets.

“It might just be that I live in this weeping anal fissure of a city but sheets of butter are really fucking expensive,” she told The Advocate via telephone a short time ago.

“Honest to blue Christ, why in the hell would anyone do this for fun? I mean, sure, there’s a lot of old rich pigs that live in this city, who are just as bored as I am so maybe it’s just a good old fashioned gouge? You’d be better off churning the milk yourself – or if you had a fucking brain, you’d just buy the croissants from the croissant shop,”

“There’s two in my postcode! Fuck this city!”

When asked if she was going to go ahead and make the croissants, Lucy said she’d have to down half a bottle of wine before she’d be able to bring herself to spend $50 on fucking butter.

“I reckon if Barefoot saw me doing this, buying this much butter to ultimately make something I don’t need, I reckon he’d flip out. Rightly so. There’s a happy medium between being a Barefooter and being the type of person that makes your own Albanian-style white wine, which is essentially flat Pub Squash and brake fluid,”

“You think you’ve ever been hungover? Try spending a night on the Albanian whites.”

More to come.


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