ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has kicked off his own re-election campaign in the New England today, telling voters that he’s confident that he’ll be returned to the job.

However, he’s shared his concerns that even if he wins his seat at the election, it won’t be enough.

Speaking to The Advocate today as he walked around his Armidale front yard, Barnaby said being a Shadow Minister probably won’t cut it.

“Look, it’s a pretty big haircut and I have bills to pay, just like everyone else,” he said.

“You know, Paul Keating said if you’re not living in Sydney, you’re camping. It’s the same as what I say when I say if you’re not bringing home more than a quarter bar, you’re on minimum wage in this country. While I don’t agree with that clock-winding freak Paul, I think what I say makes a lot more sense,”

“It’s been so long since I was a shadow anything, I don’t even know how much the Shadow Deputy Prime Minister makes. If it’s anything less than 250 grand, I’m fucked.”

Mr Joyce then detailed the various costs he has in his life, none of which were interesting or even surprising.

But he stopped short of saying he’s spending much money on himself.

“I’m not a culture vulture, I’m just a bloke from Danglemah. I don’t need much to get by. Just a bit of diesel, white bread, devon and the coldest box of Toohey’s New in the district. Colder than a windy July night in Guyra. That’s all I need,” he said.

“Aside from the quarterly run through Blowes that my chief of staff does for me, I don’t buy many clothes. You won’t see me in a pair of Timberlands and the latest Nudie jeans. Nope, just a couple of tube jeans from Rivers for me,”

“But back to what I was saying. It’s fucken expensive to live in Australia and I’ve got a lot of dependants counting on me to make a crust, like every other bastard in the weatherboard and iron. If only a few more of you terracotta and brick pricks understood that.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here