ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Acting Prime Minister has vowed to never let the air of Southeastern Australia stink like burning flesh again – telling reporters in Canberra today that the best way to prevent that from happening is through jabs science.

Barnaby Joyce recalled those grim days in Melbourne earlier this year when the Pangolin’s Revenge returned for part two.

“Oh man,” he said.

“I remember seeing the people in Melbourne bringing their dead into the city on trams. They had a few D6s at Fed[eration] Square just pushing bodies up in a heap and when they had a couple hundred or so, they’d just pour a bunch of diesel on and throw a match in it,”

“Uppa whooska. The pong was just terrible. You couldn’t walk around Canberra without the acrid musk of burnt hair hanging in the air. You know, it just broke my heart, it did. So I back the science and the only way to make sure that doesn’t happen again is by making sure all those bloody Victorians are immunised against this thing,”

“If recent events down there have shown, they’re just not up to the job of beating this thing. We need to help them help themselves, the Victorian people.”

More to come.


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