ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is celebrating today after the Federal Government received support from The Greens for their new landmark climate change laws, all but guaranteeing their safe passage into law.

Shortly after leaving work today, Mr Joyce got on his new Trek pushbike for the short ride back to his Manuka gaff when he had an intrusive thought.

He told The Advocate that he was annoyed that the rest of his Coalition colleagues elected not to vote on the legislation, forgoing their opportunity to be on the right side of history.

“As you can see, we’ve made some changes,” said Mr Joyce.

“I am now riding a bike to work, like I live in Potts Point and I own a cat. Look at me go. No more 200-series Sahara rides for me. I might even ride this thing back to Armidale,”

“But on the way down Brisbane Avenue, I saw those purple scooters that the kids and David Pocock bang on about all the time. Right near that little bridge over the stormwater drain. There were half a dozen of them. I picked one up and threw it over the railing and into the water. Hilarious,”

“I used to stir up Malcolm back in the day by referring to Sydney Harbour as ‘The Big Blue Bin’ and that money can’t buy brains because why would you live next to a giant bin! Malcolm used to huff and puff. Telling me that Sydney Harbour was the cleanest harbour in the world! Yada yada yada you know what he’s like,”

“But yeah, I stood there for a bit and listened to the scooter beep in distress of a while. I stayed until the beeps drew softer and finally stopped,”

“We might not have coal for much longer but it seems we’ll always have this. A harem of e-scooters, submerged and softly beeping. You know, in a way, I’m like one of those e-scooters. Trapped underwater in purgatory.”

Just as Barnaby started to get really deep, his party colleague Mark Coulton turned up on his new Trek pushbike.

“What a cunt of an ideal this is, Barnaby,” said Mark.

“Fuck this, I’m going to Public Bar. Do you softcocks want to join me?”

More to come.


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