RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

The Bank of Betoota (BOB) has put the rest of the Big Five on notice this morning after it created a paradigm shift in the way the industry woos new customers.

With hundreds of thousands of mortgage holders soon to come off their affordable low-rate fixed loans and move on to an unaffordable high-rate fixed loan, the country’s major banks are scrambling to attract their sad business.

Cash back schemes, interest rates that reduce over time and more have been on offer as each bank fights to woo new customers into a life time of crippling debt.

Yet the world of banking was left speechless today after BOB announced a stunning new package that immediately saw them cannabilise a sizeable chunk of the new home loan customer market pie.

The unprecedented offering sees every new customer that takes out a home loan of more than $750,000 receive a free set of steak knives.

The Advocate can report that the glistening set of 8 steak knives are restaurant quality, replete with a stainless steel, full-tang blade. The gorgeous pakkawood handle creates a rustic style look that complements the razor sharp edge ideal for cutting through tough steaks.

The amazing deal has sent Betootians into a refinancing frenzy. Already over one hundred thousand mortgagees have moved onto BOB’s steak knife loan.

“Our webpage crashed this morning,” said BOB’s branch manager, William Banks.

Mr Banks, or Bob as he prefers to be known, has worked at BOB for over a decade and swears he’s never seen demand like this.

“People aren’t talking about their move from a 2% interest rate to 7%. They’re talking about how they never thought they’d own a quality set of steak knives in an economy like this.”

One happy new customer, Alexandra Marks, told the Advocate she jumped on the offer immediately, it being far better than anything else out there.

“We almost refinanced with Diamantina Betoota Bank because they were offering $4,000 cash on sign up,” she explained.

“But four grand doesn’t go far these days, whereas a set of quality steak knives you can have in your drawer for a life time.”

“The only drawback is that with the high interest rate we’re on now we can’t afford to buy steak.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here