ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man who has spent far too much of his life on a bus has admitted to The Advocate today that while he enjoys the thrift benefits that come with being a bachelor on a day like today, this year might be the last.

Dennis Cormorant spoke a bit too candidly to our reporter in the hallway of our shared apartment block, here on the fringe of this boiling hot and hyper-expensive hellhole in the Simpson Desert.

When asked what he was going tonight, the 43-year-old said he was going to heat up a pre-packaged Butter Chicken dinner for one and watch the TV until he falls asleep on the couch.

“Beats paying for some French Quarter restaurant dinner, doesn’t it?” he asked our reporter.

Our reporter nodded.

“I mean, any fuckwit can cook a steak frites, can’t they? Why pay $48 for a meal you can make at home? That’s half the reason why I don’t have a partner at the moment. It’s the sheer expense, mate.”

Dennis cleared this throat.

“Yeah, I mean in this economy, with inflation going the way it’s going and all those property investors getting ready to go break-dancing under the bendy bus when the rates go up next quarter, I mean, mate, like I mean what’s the fucken point of it all, you know?”

Our reporter nodded again.

“But yeah, I reckon I’m one of these fucking dinners away from applying for MAFS! [explosive laughter] Or maybe even The Bachelor! [more explosive laughter] Fuck me, at this rate, I’d even fancy a start on The Mole if they ever bring it back. What was that fucking bloke’s name? That host. Kiwi fellas. Grant Denyer?”

Our reporter said it was Grant Bowler.

“Yeah that’s the fucken bloke. Anyway, mate, you fancy coming up to my gaff to drink port until 1am?”

Our reporter nodded again.

More to come.


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