ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has released a short statement this afternoon saying he regrets going to see Greens leader Adam Bandt this afternoon with the goal of getting him to loosen up his definition of what carbon actually is.

“I wanted to see if the Greens would come around a bit, which I admit was my first folly,” said Scott Morrison.

“What I wanted to achieve was to understand what Adam thought carbon actually was. I wanted to understand how he felt about this whole net zero thing. If he wanted a net zero or a gross zero. Big difference,”

“So I went to see him after lunch armed with nothing but an empty stomach and a heart of good will.”

What happened after Mr Morrison joined Adam Bandt in his office remains hazy to the PM but he specifically recalls being chastised for having a very low tolerance to cannabis.

Cannabis is legal to consume and cultivate in the ACT, meaning the Prime Minister says he was free to take part in the cultural and spiritual meeting which was once illegal up until recently.

“Adam invites me to ‘pack a cone’ and insists it’s only ‘chill bush’ despite being mostly purple and extremely pungent,” said the PM.

“So I take the first inhalation of the ceremonial marijuana smog and just start coughing uncontrollably. The cone piece shot off the end of the stem and clanged into the wall on the other side of the room and Adam just sighed,”

“He took the bong from me and told me not to stand up too quickly.”

The Greens leader spoke briefly to our reporter on the record this afternoon where he gave his own version of events.

“He packed himself the biggest cone,” said Bandt.

“Enough to make Bob Brown enjoy Test cricket. Next thing I know, he’s dribbling on himself and snoring,”

“I said, ‘You call yourself a Cronulla boy! You didn’t even know who ET was until your Chief of Staff told you who he was!’ and then Morrison looks up at me with the most bloodshot eyes, eyes like the Devil and says, ‘Who are you talking about? The little alien in the basket on the bike?’ then he slumped forward and vomited on his shoes,”


More to come.


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