ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Opposition leader Anthony Albanese is in the tropics today and it seems, by his own admission, that he’s joining the growing number of Australians who just want a bit of respite from this timid election campaign.

After hosting a press conference at a Whitsunday resort, Albo glanced over at the resort’s swim-up bar and make a frank admission to our reporter on the scene.

“Fuck, wouldn’t it be nice to just pull a ScoMo and fuck work off,” he said.

“Get in the pool and float around a bit and have a few cold ones. I know there are more important things to do but that’s at the core of pulling a ScoMo. Getting in the pool when you could be doing something more constructive, like simply being on the ground during a natural disaster. But, I guess, this cost of living crisis isn’t really that much of a disaster, especially for Morrison and it’s not like it’s a natural disaster, either,”

“But back to the pool. All you’d need is a big hat, something like a Panama. Some SPF50+. Two hands and some good company. I might even ask a complete stranger for a go on their vape. Because why not?”

When asked if he thought binge drinking and digital durries were part of pulling a ScoMo, Albo paused and conceded it probably wasn’t.

“He’s been pissed once,” said Albo.

“Call me old-fashioned but I think that’s pretty weird. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.”

More to come.


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