ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has told his staff that he no longer wants to get driven around in the Prime Ministerial BMW 7-Series because he doesn’t like BMW or what they stand for.

After arriving back in the country from Japan today, it’s understood by The Advocate that Albo took a visit out to the non-descript bit of country the government owns near Bungendore to see if the old Holden WL Caprice is still there.

After a short search, the Prime Minister’s personal staff were able to locate the fabled vehicle under a tarp in the hay shed.

“I told them to be gentle, to change out the battery and drop the fluids out before they tried turning it over,” said Albo.

“It’s not just your run of the mill VE Omega with stretchy timing chains and a fucked entertainment system that keeps breaking each time you fuck with it. This is one of the last proper Holdens, before those crooks at General Motors got their hands on the brand. It’s honestly like the old W126/W124 Mercedes Benz. The last of the good ones,”

“Tell you what, though. To own a BMW, mate. You’d have to be the biggest Tory prick. At least with Mercedes, they have the prestige of being used by dictators and lunatics. With BMW, you just get the prestige of some lisping orthopedic surgeon down the street owning one,”

“I challenge every Australian to think about everyone in their life who owns a BMW. Are they a good person? Would you take them fishing?”

“That’s why I’m getting the WL brought back to life. It’s got a 6-litre V8 under the bonnet. I’m going to get extractors put on it, into a 2.5-inch system with two hotdogs. I might even get the bloke to put a dual system in. You can do that in these Holdens. The old NC Fairlane, the fuel tank got in the way and you couldn’t have two filthy pipes out the back. I’m just spitballing here but I reckon this will be a goer.”

More to come.


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