Local rocker of the bald patch and nose ring combo, Vince “Vinny” Garlin (40), is currently holding hostage a group of early-20s pub-goers in an escalating situation which has involved him telling them about ‘the real Koh Phangan.’

Witnesses state the situation started when Garlin overheard the group of young drinkers at the Betoota Tavern talking about a possible trip to Thailand.

Having never been asked for his opinion before, Garlin reportedly launched across the bar, sliding over the pool table and planting himself backwards in a chair to tell these young kids about his experiences backpacking through Southeast Asia in the 90s.

“Gather round softcocks,” stated Garlin, sitting so that everyone could see his tribal tattoos.

“You wanna hear about something real?”

Without further prompting, Garlin began talking about his experiences on the Thai island of Koh Phangan that he claims to have seen before it was ruined by ‘a bunch of tourists.’

“They’re just there to get their photos taken, they don’t care about the experience. So anyway, I had a mate who was smuggling gear across the border and he said…”

Garlin went on to continue about how ‘this generation’ is ‘fucked,’ citing examples of Millennial behaviour he has read about in a newspaper that was left behind at the only cafe in town he is not barred from entering.

“Don’t even get me started on what you guys are into. Think the Red Hot Chili Peppers are good? Fuck them! Anthony Keidis was ripping off Mike Patton, do you even know who that is? And not just Faith No More I’m talking Peeping Tom and Mr Bungle, not that they even teach you that at your fucking universities which won’t get you a job for the record, it’s a bloody scam mate, when I was your age I was working in the mines to pay for my one bedroom loft listening to the j back when it was double j, not what you guys are into, who are those pricks on there now, nearly threw my radio out the window the other day, more softcocks, did I mention it was called double j, did you know about that?”


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