Obama’s tears are an “attack on the great American pastime of being shot”

The National Rifle Association has vowed to protect the right of each American to be involved in a firearm-related incident.

Obama’s tears are an “attack on the great American pastime of being shot”

6 January, 2016. 15:35

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THE PRESIDENT OF THE National Rifle Association, America’s most powerful gun lobby, has lashed out at President Obama for getting emotional during a press conference – saying his tears are an affront to an American’s constitutional right to own guns and have their lives indiscriminately ended by one.

Today, the president unveiled a smorgasbord of 10 executive orders aimed at trying to reduce gun-related crimes across the United States. He also urged voters to choose a candidate who promises to clamp down hard on firearms at this year’s election.

Under the Obama edict, many person-to-person sales of firearms would now be scooped up by the federal government’s gun database.

And this has outraged factions of the National Rifle Association (NRA), who say that these new executive orders, which have little legal foundation, are unconstitutional and gay.

“What happens if a citizen is denied a firearm to protect his family? Then the next week, he comes home to find an invader tying his wife up in the kitchen? If he had the gun, he could’ve protected his family by shooting the criminal dead,” said NRA spokesman Larry Muddskipper. “Hell, protecting your property and family from sinners requires a firearm and you’ll have to rip mine of out my cold dead hands before I let some reptilian politician take it away from me!”

In 2014, over 12 500 people were killed by a firearm in the United States – something the NRA sees as a byproduct of freedom.

“Jail [sic] is expensive and having law-abiding citizens shoot criminals in the act is saving the tax payer millions each year. Don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the guy that stole my car radio in a pine box than a prison cell, you hear!” said Muddskipper. “But it’s true, not all people who are killed by a gun are criminals. They’re martyrs for the American way of life.”

Although mildly disturbed by unsurprised, President Obama said that while the new executive orders might not end senseless gun murders all together, if they just save one life, he’d consider his time in office a success.

“When you boil it down, I’m trying to prevent Americans from being shot to death by taking guns away from those who shouldn’t have them. Namely career criminals and people with a history of violence and mental illness,” said Obama. “Why the NRA is fighting me on this, I’ll never know. Nobody will know. We’re trying to make sure something like Sandy Hook or Columbine doesn’t happen again. And we’re the bad guys.”

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