13 April, 2015. 15:06
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
ONE OF THE WORLD’S most prominent feminists has outlined the need for men in the future during a landmark speech this morning in London.
Germaine Greer, best known for her seminal classic The Female Eunuch and harsh criticism of Steve Irwin, revealed today that only men can assemble flat pack furniture from IKEA.
The 76-year-old said she’s been defeated many times by the Swedish furnisher and that each time she’s had to assemble an IKEA product, the famed author has had to resort to asking a male to do it for her.
While on their company website, IKEA states emphatically that their furniture can be easily assembled by anyone – however, Greer has stated that’s “emphatically” bullshit.
Speaking to a sold-out crowd at The London School of Economics, Greer told the audience of her perpetual troubles with putting together a “Billy” bookcase earlier in the year.
“I couldn’t even lift the package off the shelf and on to the cart – that was the first problem,” she said.
“Then there was the issue with getting in the car. I didn’t know how to fold the back seats down so the man helped me with that, too.”
“My building doesn’t have an elevator so I had to find a way to get it up to my fifth floor apartment,”
“I certainly couldn’t do it. I needed a man to help me.” she said.
The outspoken Victorian said it was then and there that she had an epiphany – where after decades of prolonged criticism of men, she’d finally found a proper use for males.
While in the past, Greer had categorically stated that women could do anything a male could. Nonetheless, she’d finally been stumped by a £69 beige bookshelf.
“It dawned on me that I wasn’t going to be able to get this thing up the stairs,” she said.
“It’s impossible for the average 76-year-old female to carry an awkward 37kg box up five flights of stairs,”
“So I had to call my bridge partner and she arranged for her grandson to drive across town to help me with it,”
“He was a bit of a slop dog, as we say in Australia. It means that he was by no means a gleaming specimen of testosterone and power – but with a great amount of struggle, he got the bookshelf up to my flat.”
To the amusement of the audience, Greer then admitted that she needed help putting the bookshelf together.
“I thought while he was there, he might as well put it together for me,”
“I’m a feminist, not a carpenter.”
In her concluding statements, Greer said that she wasn’t embarrassed by the incident, but rather enlightened by the experience.
“Men, after all, do serve a purpose on this Earth,” she said.
“They aid us in creating children from scratch and they lift things around,”
“But their identity is so much more than that.”
With additional reporting from Emma Flagpole from The London Evening Standard and NewZulu.