Jesus Christ Tells Tony Abbott That Whatever Happens Tomorrow Was All Part Of God’s Plan

Jesus Christ Tells Tony Abbott That Whatever Happens Tomorrow Was All Part Of God’s Plan

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The former Prime Minister has been locked in high-level talks with his mentor, the Son of God, this afternoon ahead of the results of the same-sex marriage which will be released tomorrow.

Jesus of Nazareth, better known by his stage name Jesus Christ, told The Advocate that he spoke to Tony Abbott at length regarding the news tomorrow will bring.

“I basically told him that whatever happens tomorrow, it’s all part of my Dad’s plan,” said Mr Christ.

“Also, I told him not to freak out and do something crazy if it’s a Yes. Like there are times when people put shit on my Dad for not being present during atrocities and wars and plagues and all that other grim shit. He loves everyone but he can’t be everywhere, know what I mean?”

“Anyway, if it turns out to be a No vote, then I also explained that the other guy who might win the next election will make it legal anyway, so there’s no point in getting up on his high horse. He’s a hard guy to talk to.”

The talks come after Mr Abbott all-but conceded defeat, telling the media this week that he’d consider a 40% No vote to be a moral victory.

Seeking clarification on his definition of victory, The Advocate reached out to Mr Abbott’s offices but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.