Bill Cosby Tells Judge “Alleged Victims Say The Darndest Things”

Bill Cosby Tells Judge “Alleged Victims Say The Darndest Things”

DARRYL SEYMOUR | Gossip Guru | CONTACT

The Betoota Advocate can today reveal comedian Bill Cosby’s first ever attempt to publicly address sexual assault allegations that have come to light over the last two years.

Cosby, a former sitcom superstar and much-loved television host, has found decades of fame and fortune through his unique style of family-friendly comedy.

The former TV Dad has gone on trial to face charges of drugging and sexually assaulting a woman more than a decade ago, with prosecutors introducing evidence suggesting the television star had committed the crime to others before.

His comments today show that he is still relying on this particular brand to help get him through the troubled waters he finds himself in.

“Come on now, people. Don’t you remember The Cosby Show? I am a family man… these accusations are coming from people that I can’t even remember meeting,”

“Ah dooby dooby do!”

“Please don’t judge me as this big ol’ monster they have created, judge me for me… the man you used to love seeing on TV”

Bill Cosby, as Dr Huxtable, the family man at the centre of The Cosby Show sitcom.
Bill Cosby, as Dr Huxtable, the family man at the centre of The Cosby Show sitcom.

Cosby’s inability to take these allegations seriously has drawn criticism from vocal campaigners. Unfortunately, his “kind-hearted-middle-class-patriarch-goofball” character is hard to break away from.

“These alleged victims are just being scallywags [laughs]… you know what they say.. Alleged victims say the darndest things”

It seems these accusations, many which span several decades, have only come into the spotlight after stand-up comedian and former Saturday Night Live writer Hannibal Buress unleashed a violent tirade about Bill Cosby, calling him a ‘rapist’ and a sanctimonious hypocrite during a performance earlier this year.

It seems Buress was taking aim at Cosby as a result of the comments he has made about African-American communities over the years, most notable his NAACP “Pound Cake Speech” in 2004.

“Bill Cosby has the f***ing smuggest old black man public persona that I hate,”

Buress declared from the stage on Thursday night at the Trocadero Theater in Cosby’s hometown of Philadelphia.

Hannibal Buress, the C-list comedian credited with bringing Bill Cosby under the spotlight
Hannibal Buress, the C-list comedian credited with bringing Bill Cosby under the spotlight

Mocking America’s beloved dad from The Cosby Show, Buress said:

“Pull your pants up, black people. I was on TV in the ’80s. I can talk down to you because I had a successful sitcom…. Yeah, but you raped women, Bill Cosby. So, that brings you down a couple notches.”

It is unknown at this time if any of these matters will result in prosecution.

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