Entire Nation Preparing To Chew Through Annual Pint Of Guinness At Some Point Today

The average Australian drinks one pint of Guinness a year.

Entire Nation Preparing To Chew Through Annual Pint Of Guinness At Some Point Today

17 March, 2016. 17:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

TENS OF THOUSANDS OF revellers around Australia instantly regret buying that first pint of Guinness on St Patrick’s Day each year.

If they can power through until the bottom of the glass, they sure as hell aren’t going to be ordering another one.

“There’s two reasons why I’m switching to XXXX Gold after this pint,” said Brisbane financier Kelvyn Macross.

“It’s a school night and Guinness tastes like shit.”

In recent years, social media platforms such as Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook have gone hand in hand with the Irish dry stout. Whenever somebody under the aged of 40 is drinking one.

Drinking a Guinness is an event and it’s often something that young people force themselves to do in order to post it on social media.

Colin Price was relocated by his multi-national company to Dublin two years ago. At the age of 27, he admits he hates Guinness and loathes the fact that he’s expected to drink in bulk on St Patricks’s Day.

“I buy one pint of Guinness a week. After drinking about half of it, I take a Snapchat of me having a sip before I take it into the toilets with me and I pour it down the piss gutter.”

“Then when I come back into the bar with my empty glass, I gesture to the boys if they want another. Just to make sure they don’t get me another fucking Guinness.”

6 Responses to "Entire Nation Preparing To Chew Through Annual Pint Of Guinness At Some Point Today"

  1. Stav   March 17, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Or they couldn’t spell shit in QLD in 1924. The only plausible explanation.

  2. Selkie.27   March 18, 2016 at 8:07 am

    Well actually, the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade in Sydney was cancelled this year for reasons alluded to you in your article. Due to the amount of raw Guinness poured down the dunny and recycled Guinness ( i.e. Vomit) poured everywhere, the sewage treatment works were being overloaded. So the parade was cancelled for health reasons. The bullshit press gave other explanations for the cancellation but these are the facts according to my Pravda correspondent associate.

  3. Duncan Reilly   March 18, 2016 at 9:27 am

    Bullshit! Guinness for ever!

  4. Geoffro   March 19, 2016 at 8:41 am

    I’d rather drink a glass of spit mixed with flying-fox shit than drink Guinness.

  5. SA Abdullah Akash   July 23, 2016 at 7:11 am



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