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Achtung mein party people! Be that party the GOP, One Nation, or New Balance, fascism is back baby, and it’s sexier than a well kept Luger!
With hip young trendsters like Milio Yianappolous and Richard Spencer sporting looks as pure as their Aryan bloodlines, and Australia’s own George Christiansen posing like an SS Officer in 70s S&M porno, we thought we’d put together a list of some vintage alt-right looks that say: ‘I am sexy, successful, and a Nazi.’
1. Rudolf Hess
Hugo Boss overcoat, 160Rm (Reichsmarch)
Dress to impr-Hess with this oh so Nazi-chic Hugo Boss overcoat, a classic look that says “I’m a bad-boy, but I’ll fly to Scotland to be with you bae.” With this suave item you’ll be their favourite deputy-(Führer).
2. Adolf Eichman
Ray-Ban specs, 220Rm
Boast the ‘banality of hawtness’ with these vintage reading glasses – perfect when writing up polemical pamphlets on the new eugenics OR RTing the latest Breitbart thinkpiece. Wear them on summer vacation in Argentina; the ladies will be screaming ‘I Like Eich’ when Mossad arrests you for being too damn fine.
3. Ilse Koche
H&M Beret, 19Rm
Hague girl! Here’s a little beret that says “the bitch of Buchenwald is back!”. Girls can tell Libtard cucks to halt their mansplaining with this jaunty little number that reminds us that women can be successful war-criminals too.
4. Eva Braun
American Apparel One Piece Swimsuit, 89.99Rm
Move over Melania! This stunning swimsuit says “he loves me for my racial purity” as you stand silently behind him while he overturns the world order. Who runs the world?
5. Leni Riefenstahl
Black Pearl Necklace, 350Rm
Goose-step aside Kellyanne Conway, the original fascist mouth-piece is back, rocking a pearl necklace that says: “don’t blame me, I just work for the guy.” It’s a real triumph of the ‘will they or won’t they’ with this piece, perfect for high-tension office parties that end in mass-suicide.
6. Joseph Mengele
SS Uniform, 666Rm
Mingle like Mengele in this classic ensemble outfit that lets everybody know that SS stands for ‘super stylish.’ It’ll show off your experimental side and this get-up will help you get-away with murder!
Urban Outfitters Tennis Shorts and Polo Shirt, 130Rm
This salad-days combo tells everybody #I’mWithHimmler by hinting at just the right amount of thigh! Be a bit Aryan-Racy and let the girls know you’re Nordic but Nice.
8. Erwin Rommel
Fitted Goggles, 44.99Rm
You magnificent bastard, I love this look! Combine these goggles with a Panzer tank-top and you’ll reach peak dessert-foxiness.
9. Joseph Goebbels
Pigeonhole Leather Jacket, 225Rm
Don’t listen to the Lügenpresse! Leather is back, baby! A classic look from the Elvis of Pepe shitposting, it’ll be total war when you rock up to the Vorbunker looking like Gestapo-Fonzie – it may be a bitter pill for the wife and kids to swallow when you’re flaming as hard as the Reichstag in 1933.
10. Adolf Hitler
David Jones blazer, summer-shorts, thigh-high socks, 245Rm
The original Blitzkrieg Fop! You’ll be yelling for more Lebensraum in your crotch when the ladies start clicking their heels for this classic ‘alt-right’ look.
Move the landing strip to your upper-lip, do a Heil-Mary, and start screaming that white-nationalism is the new black-milk . There’s no one purer than the Führer and the high-socks let people know that you’ll take the comparison as a compliment, seeing as the Mac-Daddy of the Daddyland did some pretty cool things ie the Autobahn.
Sure, it was built with genocide tinged slave labour, but so is everything associated with high-fashion.
11. Milo Yiannopolous
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