13 May, 2015. 14:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | firstname.lastname@example.org
In an extremely fascinating turn of events, several high-profile Australian entrepreneurs decided to sit in an elite Sydney restaurant for an entire afternoon, drinking expensive alcohol.
The boozy lunch ended with two of the men involved acting like drunk Australians, with many saying their behaviour border-lined on that of drunk rugby league fans.
The two men in question:
Horse-racing and talkback radio magnate, John Singleton vs Fast food giant Jack Colvin
It is a story that has dominated the headlines for three days straight. Managing to break through the generic news-fodder surrounding natural disasters in the third-world, as well as the increasing threat of domestic terrorism in Australia
One question that hasn’t been answered is: Why do drunk Australian billionaires act like normal drunk people?
Stacey Wheeler, a high-profile anthropologist for the CSIRO, says that it’s no surprise that the two men acted like Western Sydney NRL fans.
“Here we have two men that have made careers appealing to normal people. It’s no surprise that at some point they were going to at least try and act like normal people,”
“Horse-racing, fast food, beer, rugby league, talkback radio, newspapers. These two men have made a lot of money from normal people, it seems like the normal people may have rubbed off on them”
John Singleton has been well-known as a suedo-commoner for most of his career. The leathery silverfox is remembered for a large list of iconic larrikin quotes, namely:
“If you don’t like rugby league, you’re not human”
However it seems “Singo” may have taken a bit too much licence to acting “human”.
His post-fight interview resulting in him making crass jokes that rich people shouldn’t be interested in making. When asked about the confrontation, Singleton quipped:
“He was trying to find a woman to belt and I was trying to have a sex change so he could bash me,”
When asked his views on violence, Mr Singleton runs towards the camera barking: “I f**king love it”.
It is believed that editors from NewsCorp, Fairfax, NewMatilda and other well-known newspapers have told every journalist in Sydney to drop everything and find more ways to report on this story.
It even seems #Budget2015 has had to take a back-seat to “Singo-Swingo-gate”.
Classist commentary has been extremely successful in describing this absolutely amazing story, particularly in light of the federal budget.
However, other commentators have decided to put it down to the Australia’s epidemic love of alcohol-fuelled violence.
These same people forget that the “alcohol-fuelled violence” angle has already been trumped by media millionaires, David Gyngell and James Packer’s early morning scrap in Bondi, this time last year.
Both men were 100% sober and wearing tracksuits.
All-in-all, there is no real answer. One can only put it down to our indiscriminative convict blood. It seems every Australian male just loves a stink. Rich or poor, drunk or sober.
Anyone who disagrees with this can come and visit us in Betoota. Let’s see how tough you are then.