The Greens declare the drought over and assistance to farmers should now be slashed

But the morally-correct party is standing by primary producers in the third world.

The Greens declare the drought over and assistance to farmers should now be slashed

20 June, 2016. 13:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

CLIMATE SCIENTISTS WITHIN THE Greens party have declared the drought over, as many long-parched swathes of Western Queensland are now awash with swollen creeks and rivers.

Dams that were boiled dry by the sun just months ago are now overflowing, giving the few farmers who’ve weathered a lack of storms a little bit of hope.

Greens leader Richard Di Natale announced addition policy this morning in Melbourne in light of the recent historical downpours across farming land in Western Queensland.

“Longreach and other places like it have had their highest June rainfall totals since the late 1800s,” he said.

“This means the drought is over because they’ve had heavy rain twice in a month,”

“So we plan to cut assistance to farmers now because they should be OK from here on in. Besides, they can always sell up and move into town if they aren’t all right.”

The 46-year-old has also been working with iconic hipster shoemaker R.M. Williams to create a ‘greener’ alternative to their famously leather footwear. As he made the announcement today,  he was spotted sporting a pair of custom boots, make with ethically sourced and fair trade bamboo fabric with the sole of the boot made from old Melbourne taxi tyres.

He hopes that by working with the former bush outfitter, people in regional areas will open up to green politics.

“The Greens are committed to helping and aiding agricultural workers in the third world, but not here because the drought is over,” he said.

“We’re confident that working with R.M. Williams will improve our ‘street cred’ in the bush because we want to get the message across to those people about the harm they’re doing to their environment. Educating dumb fucking rurals on climate change is a salient issue,”

“I feel good about myself.” he said.