9 August, 2016. 11:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Local man, Bryce Goodwin (29) was under the impression he nailed his quarterly performance presentation this morning, at the advertising agency he has worked at for eleven months.
That was until he was sitting back down at his desk and saw his reflection on his laptop’s standby screen.
“Oh fuck” he says.
Mr Goodwin has just discovered that his entire twenty minute pitch to executive employees was done with thick reddish-black red wine stains on his top and bottom lips.
“Fuck! I look like a piss wreck,” he says.
“This is what happens when you try to stay up and watch the sevens. I didn’t even get to see the grand final. I got to the quarters and passed out on the couch – my missus could have said something.”
Goodwin’s boss, Brian Babyboomer (62) says he was impressed with the young fellas form this morning, but thinks he needs some help in learning how to mask his rampant alcoholism, like the rest of them.
“I put a bit of eucalyptus oil on the tooth brush each morning, that tends to clean off the stains,”
“I mean, he says he was up all night watching the Olympics – but no one really needs an excuse to pass out on the couch after a couple bottles of red. Not in this industry anyway,”
Brian says Bryce may be a little self conscious about revealing his alcoholism to the workplace, but believes that this medical condition tends to be well-regarded in the corporate world.
“He’s probably less-likely to get fired in next months hysterical, post-internet-media redundancies. At least we knows he’s one of us,”
“And fuck me, didn’t those girls bring it home. I was half-pissed when I woke up.”