Stradbroke Island Local Who Hasn’t Bashed Anyone In A While Can’t Wait For Christmas

"Chrissy is that good for a perve too"

Stradbroke Island Local Who Hasn’t Bashed Anyone In A While Can’t Wait For Christmas

7 September, 2016. 13:15


Teenage North Stradbroke Island resident, Zane Scobie (16) is one of many coastal small-town kids who’s entire town gets overtaken by tourists during the warmer months.

He says the winter can be tough for many reasons.

For one, his dad’s surf-shop suffers from an annual slump in business as the holidayers stay at home.

On top of that, Zane finds himself bored shitless because there isn’t many timid city kids around for him to bash the fuck out of.

“Can’t wait till Chrissy, hey” says Zane, who has been smoking cigarettes since he was eleven.

“There’ll be heaps of them then”.

When asked if he thinks it might be detrimental to the family business if he continues bashing the teenage son’s of potential customers, Zane says that the beach is for ‘locals only’ before turning up the Eminem CD blaring through what appears to be a Sony Discman.

“Chrissy is that good for a perve, too”

The lull in ‘touro-bashing’ is not exclusive to South-East Queensland – with reports of this phenomena occurring as far north as Airlie beach and as far South as The ‘gong.

Yamba local, Jah’lia Tyson says he can’t count the amount of flash iPhones he’s ‘taxed’ from stupid country kid over the years.

“They need to learn that this is our beach. It doesn’t matter if our town’s entire economy depends on them – It’s our beach”

With the summer months just around the corner, it is believed that local kids from beach towns around Australia are preparing their trolley polls and home made brass knuckles for the eight weeks of the year that their town is dominated by Range Rovers and Camilla dresses.




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