17 May, 2016 18:15
MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT
Betting website Sportsbet have today released their new ‘Sportsbet Banter Card’, which contains a speech enabled application that audibly ‘throws chat’ at the card holder, pumping up their egos so they chuck a bigger bet on the next at Gawler.
The speech enabled debit card compliments Sportsbet’s existing Cash Out debit card, but is aimed at the shandy-drinking sector of the punting market where a $1 each-way bet is considered acceptable.
Sportsbet CEO Cameron Leeder said “Another big issue for us is that the punters get a win or two then cash out, which is great for them, but all we want is the opportunity to get in their ears and tell them to put it all on the next at Mount Gambier”.
“At the end of the day, everyone wants to win big, but some of these soft cunts need a bit of reassurance to chuck the big bikkies on” he said.
The debit cards are pre-programmed to elicit short phrases such as “You bloody legend, get on the next!”, “Load up – we’re not here to fuck spiders”, and “Chuck another $50 on, you fucking pussy”.
Local housewife Madeline Boulton was not too keen on the idea “Oh God, the last thing my husband Bill needs is one of these loudmouths in his pocket… He’s got enough of them at work and at the pub” she said.
“He’s very suggestable. These cards will have him and his dropkick mates loading up on the fucking trots at Menangle before you know it”.
However Sportsbet disagrees “No one wants their husband or partner to look like a soft cock in the TAB putting on $1 bets like a fucking pelican. Bet properly or go sit in the fucking Ladies Lounge” said Sportsbet analyst Allan McCabe.
Sportsbet has also included an extra feature on the Sportsbet Banter debit cards – when they are inserted into an ATM to ‘Cash Out’, there is an extra pop up screen saying “Are you sure you want to Cash Out? Ok then you fucking poofter”, prior to the money being dispensed.