Same-Sex Couples To Be Only Recognised As ‘Housemates’ Until All The Baby Boomers Die

"Just pretend to be housemates for a little bit longer" says Turnbull.

Same-Sex Couples To Be Only Recognised As ‘Housemates’ Until All The Baby Boomers Die

11 October 2016. 11:25

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Turnbull Government’s proposed same-sex marriage plebiscite has been dumped after Labor MPs finally agreed to block the proposal in the Senate at a caucus meeting this morning.

To the delight of conservative MPs from both sides of government, this decision casts the issue of marriage equality in to the to-do pile, where it joins climate change, Indigenous incarceration and mandatory detention for asylum seekers – all issues that Baby Boomers have no intention of addressing in their life time.

Speaking to the media this morning, Australian Prime Minister and relatively progressive Baby Boomer, Malcolm Turnbull has told the LGBTI community of Australia that he is disappointed in the result.

“I represent the Wentworth Electorate for fuck’s sake,” he said.

“Elizabeth Bay, Bondi Beach, Kings Cross… It is not lost on me that my biggest supporters are gay,”

The Prime Minister went on to explain that any Australians in Same-Sex relationships will have to continue pretending to be housemates.

“Unfortunately, however, I have inherited a Government of racist creationists. The plebiscite was deadset the only way I was going to get this thing through without some sort of Fiji-style coupé,”

“I apologise profusely for the behaviour of the Baby Boomer’s who run this country alongside me. To my gay friends, I would ask that you patiently wait a few more years until we all have dementia or die,”

“Just pretend to be housemates for a little bit longer,”

However, as pointed out by The Betoota Advocate during the hung Federal Parliament earlier this year, the scourge of the Baby Boomer doesn’t look to end any time soon.

Dr. Braiden Youngen, an anthropologist and historian from the CSIRO, says the reason baby boomers are still in charge of the world is because they have instilled a false sense of importance into themselves.

“Many of them believe that they worked very hard for everything good in this world,” says Dr Youngen

“They are forgetting that the generation above them lived through a great depression and fought in two world wars,”

“They also forget that they are solely responsible for the global financial crisis in 2008, and the fact that it was through the help of Generation X and Y that both capitalism and civil order was able to remain relatively intact – until they tightened the reigns with Brexit and Donald Trump,”

“The most influential person on Earth, Mark Zuckerberg, is an entire generation younger than them… and most of them don’t know who he is or what he does,”

Local gay, Tim Moran, says it took ten years for his dad to recognise that his partner was more than a housemate, and really wishes the Government could help the LGBTI community with this issue.

“I’m not a fucking cowboy. I’m not referring to anyone as partner. Let me call him my husband and be done with it,”

“I think they honestly want us to keep pretending we aren’t gay and live in loveless marriages, like politicians do.”

4 Responses to "Same-Sex Couples To Be Only Recognised As ‘Housemates’ Until All The Baby Boomers Die"

  1. Ginette Thomas   October 11, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    How dare you put my generation in such a bad light! I’m angry that this was even happening (discrimination against a minority group) without READING this rubbish. Blame Malcolm and all those other idiots in government DO NOT PUT ME IN WITH THAT GROUP.

    Reply
  2. Jack   October 12, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    @Ginette While I don’t agree that generalising a whole generation is a good thing; I’d be willing to play a game, where you pay me $1 for every article published in the last 5 years about “millennials”, and I’ll pay you $1 for every article published about “baby boomers”. I’d retire early.

    People are diverse and complex, but it is undeniable that elderly people are, on average, more ready to not support same-sex marriage. As such, I’d like to know a word better suited than the one, that is more accurate and as encompassing.

    Reply
  3. Paul Nicholson   October 13, 2016 at 8:57 am

    I mean really is the world gonna end or something if this is not done now I don’t think so..

    Reply

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