17 April, 2015. 14:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | firstname.lastname@example.org
Not even two weeks after the most recent accusations of propaganda, the People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) are in the headlines again.
This time they are campaigning against what they call “A sickening tradition of inhumanity” in the Australian Outback. Lamb-Clubbing.
PETA spokesperson, Suja Bleedinhart, has stated that Australian farmers need to address their lamb-clubbing practices “as soon as possible”.
“We aren’t saying EVERY sheep farmer practices lamb-clubbing, but majority do,”
“Lamb-Clubbing is an archaic practice used to discipline cute little lambies and tenderise them so that they can be sheared without restraint. 50% of lambs that are clubbed die from it,”
“Our research shows that starving, drought-stricken farmers – who depend on the health and livelihood of their own livestock in order to stay alive. Are spending as much time as possible torturing them because they enjoy being meanies”
Last week regional politicians aggressively responded to claims made by PETA that suggested farmers were intentionally committing the highest form of animal cruelty, which results in the infant livestock having skin stripped from the hides in a money-hungry quest to be as inhumane as possible, while shearing them.
Sheep farmers across the world also responded to the obscure claim by clarifying that they don’t actually shear lambs.
When questioned further about the new allegations of lamb-clubbing, Ms Bleedinhart has stated that their sources were 100% reliable.
“Ummm… Of course we aren’t actually going to sheep stations and looking for ourselves. Farmers lie to us, because they are evil.
“We rely on independent studies put forward by our vegan researchers based in the Californian silicon valley. I think they are a bit more of an authority on this issue than the lying farmers”
However, PETA have discovered that they need a high-profile face behind this campaign, to give it some merit.
The anti-agriculturalist organisation have opted to once again enlist the help of PETA regular and unknown Australian band, I KILLED THE PROM QUEEN’s guitarist, Jona Weinhofen.
Weinhofen spoke to The Advocate about his new opportunity to become well-known this morning.
“Of course I was going to lend my face to this campaign! The last time I did it, my band’s Facebook page tripled in followers. I am a vegan, thrash metal artist from inner-city Adelaide – this is my best bet for reaching larger audiences,”
“No, I haven’t been to an actual sheep station before, and quite frankly, I don’t plan on visiting one. PETA has told me everything I need to know about the Wool Industry, why would I bother going out there?”
While majority of responses to the “lamb-clubbing” campaign have been positive, only time will tell if PETA will successfully crush the Australian Wool Industry as planned. Sources say that help from the ABC’s Four Corners might arrive in time to create a knee-jerk government reaction to their portrayal of a minority within the sheep farming community.
PETA says they are hopeful the government will be looking at hemp-based alternatives well before the struggling farmers have a chance to recover.