Newtown Man Develops Diabetes After Hibiscus-Infused Tangerine Pale Ale Bender

Newtown Man Develops Diabetes After Hibiscus-Infused Tangerine Pale Ale Bender

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

While the Captain’s Parrot brewery’s staple beer, the Hungry Leper, is considered more of a saison ale, many craft beer enthusiasts say that it’s relatively mid-strength alcohol percentage suggests it could also be considered a fruitier pale ale.

The hibiscus infused Northern French style Saison served through a tangerine filled randall is wildly popular throughout Australia, or at least several suburbs in Sydney and Melbourne.

Newtown hipster, Figgy DiMarco-Olsen (35), says he knows the Hungry Leper all too well. In fact, the Collingwood-based brewery of Captain’s Parrot is set to have a lasting effect on Ziggy’s life, after he was diagnosed with diabetes this morning by a bulk-billing doctor.

While watching several recording of 1980’s Newtown Jets match, before dipping down to the new Pokie-free Petersham Bowls Club to watch a Nick Cave tribute band, it is believed Figgy drank upwards of four longnecks of Hungry Leper. He says they were going down a treat.

“I love getting on the leps, man” he says.

“I had about eight more shmiddys at the bowlso as well. All of a sudden I started seeing black in one eye and apparently I had a seizure”

“My friends thought I had dropped a dicey tab. But they realised something was wrong when I started flapping around”

Figgy’s doctor says his love for the hibiscus infused Northern French style saison served through a tangerine filled randall has resulted in him developing a progressive condition by the name of type 2 diabetes, wheren his the body becomes resistant to the normal effects of insulin and/or gradually loses the capacity to produce enough insulin in the pancreas.

It is an illness associated with modifiable lifestyle risk factors.

Speaking from atop of his milk-crate modelled bed frame and mattress this morning, Figgy says he’s upset that he might have to start drinking mass-produced beer now. Instead of some fruit sludge brewed out of a forty gallon drum in someone’s terrace house.

“It’s either that or a vodka lime soda like some sort of bra boy”

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One Response to "Newtown Man Develops Diabetes After Hibiscus-Infused Tangerine Pale Ale Bender"

  1. Stuart   January 12, 2017 at 8:29 am

    It could be a tad early but this is my vote for article of the year. Solid gold…

    Reply

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