Nation breathes sigh of relief as bungled Merrylands Police bombing labelled a “mental health episode”

Police are just happy it had nothing to do with Islam. That would've been bad.

Nation breathes sigh of relief as bungled Merrylands Police bombing labelled a “mental health episode”

22 July, 2016. 15:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN A WORLD THAT’S GROWN¬†accustom to Islamic terrorist acts, Australians woke this morning to news that somebody had tried to drive a car full of gas cylinders into the underground carpark of Merrylands Police Station in Sydney’s south-west.

To the relief of everyday people around the nation, the lunatic police pulled from the burning wreckage of his late model Hyundai Getz was whiter than the¬†skin on Kim Beazley’s arse.

After it was established that the terrorist in this instance wasn’t a Muslim, the whole event has been labelled a “mental health episode” by investigators.

New South Wales police superintendent Bruce MacGillion said he and the boys were “shitting themselves” until they saw the perpetrator’s limp pale body slumped over the steering wheel.

“We thought, ‘Fuck me, this could be the real deal,’ but then we saw the bloke. Just some poxy madman with too much time on his hands,” he said.

“It’s obvious that the bloke is fucking bananas. This is an example of poor mental health. He’s no jihadist of bible thumping pro-lifer, he’s just a regular bloke who’s got a bit of head noise,”

“But we’ve got through all his shit and found nothing to do with Islam of anything. If we did, mate we’d be having a different conversation.”

The investigation into the incident, in which nobody was hurt except for the suspect, is set to continue for the next few days.

More to come.