9 June, 2016. 15:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
SHARON GLEESON SITS IN her Caboolture kitchen, working her way through her fourth Horizon Blue of the morning while she polishes off a neenish tart.
Her knuckles are bruised and her earlobes are covered up in bandaids. Nearing the end of her tasty lung candy, she lets out an earth-shattering cough and lobs a green-brown golly into a waiting handkerchief.
“This smart-mouthed bitch at the club cut in front of me in the queue for the ATM,” she explains.
“So I yanked on her ponytail and he ripped my hoop earrings out through me [sic] lobes,”
“But I don’t fuckin’ care. That slut needed to know she couldn’t put one over me. Fucki’n nobody can.”
The 56-year-old semi-retired beautician has a bad reputation in the wider community for her wild and seemingly unprovoked attacks on other people. In one unrelated incident in 2011, she was arrested for throwing rocks at local buses. She later told the court that “the cunts of things are too loud”.
Nothing says ‘fuck you’ like a townie-two-tone-bob hairstyle, says Gleeson. Ever since her hair started to thin in her early 40s, she’s sported the trendy doo.
Depending on her mood, she often selects a bronze tint for the top, while choosing something a bit more ‘how ya goin’ for the back and sides.
In March of this year, she worked up the courage to put some purple highlights through her fringe.
“Some smart bitch made some comments about me behind my back around town after I got the purple done,” she said.
“I confronted her about it down the Snakes junior league game and she fuckin’ denied it to me face, so I fucken lost it,”
“I headbutted the bitch until they pulled me off her, I was gunna strangle her with my sunnies leash. Slut.”
After speaking with her for nearly an hour, The Advocate has concluded that she indeed is not to be fucked with. If she had long hair, she’d be nice.