26 January, 2016. 16:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A dolphin has gone missing from the Sea Life Sunshine Coast attraction. The gamble buttons on Pelican Pete, Where’s The Gold and Queen of the Nile have been worn down to the nub. A second-year leading hand was rushed to hospital last night after accidently ingesting Bacardi instead of Bundy.
“It’s absolute bedlam,” said Acting Superintendent Colin Carmichael from Queensland Police. “We haven’t seen anything like it before. The rate at which life is being lived in Mooloolaba right now is simply disturbing.”
Earlier this week, a number of regional Queenslanders, some coming from as far as West Betoota, descended upon the sleepy beach community of Mooloolaba – on Queensland’s stunning Sunshine Coast – to enjoy a week of getting dumped in the surf, Moreton Bay bugs and a few cold tins.
In a Groundhog Day-type scenario, it seems that local businesses and law enforcement were caught off guard once again.
Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon, East Betootanese bovine retrieval specialist Andrew Autumnvale said that he was having the time of his young life down in the beach republic of Mooloolaba.
“Mate, my mate Dingo shot a dolphin last night, it was pissa. We sat up on the dunes and picked them off under the moonlight with his .30-30. Can you eat them? We cut the bastard up on the beach before dawn and took the meat back to the Nautilus,” he said.
“So smitten by the humble dolphin was Dingo, we scaled the walls of the mighty Sea Life aquarium and coaxed a dolphin to the surface with a bit of dolphin meat. Ha ha ha we are crook, aren’t we? Anyway, we wrestled one back to the hotel under the cover of darkness. It’s in the pool now, do you wanna see it?”
Our reporter then took the short walk down the hill to the Nautilus to visit Tin Tin, the bottlenose dolphin.
The duo plan to cut the lid off a 44 gallon drum and fill it with fresh seawater to transport the stolen aqua-mammal home to Betoota, home of Australia’s only artesian saltwater bore.
“Yeah we’ll just jam Tin Tin in and tie the lid down,” said Dingo.
“It is what it is, then you die.”
