Lock-Out Laws Won’t Stop Us From Being Piss-Wrecks, Says Queensland

Lock-Out Laws Won’t Stop Us From Being Piss-Wrecks, Says Queensland

17 January, 2016 16:55

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

That entire state of Queensland has laughed off the soon-to-be imposed lock-out laws on pubs and clubs that were passed through the senate earlier today.

It appears the state, and its residents, will blindly continuing getting blind without taking any notice of the new ALP state government’s endeavour to look “more European” by keeping the streets of the Queensland captial empty after midnight and forcing patrons to only get pissed at home.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate this morning, the King of Queensland, Wally Lewis said that the new state Government can try as hard as they like to pretend that the North is a respectable place for timid coffee-drinking wowsers, but there is “no chance in frozen Cairns” that any new laws will be able to curb the states love for grog.

“It’s laughable,” said Mr Lewis.

“It’s very embarrassing to watch Annastacia Palaszczuk (QLD Premier) pretend Queensland is something that it is not,”

“She can take her boring wine bar stuff down to Melbourne if that’s her bag. She knew very well what she was in for when she took the job,”

“If she’s having trouble steering this ship then she can jump of it for all we care. This state was built by hard-working men and women united by lengthy sessions on the Milton Mangoes,”

AAP cameras capture a traditional Queensland man in his natural environment, being manhandled by overzealous police represented an ever-increasing nanny state
AAP cameras capture a traditional Queensland man in his natural environment, being manhandled by overzealous police represented an ever-increasing nanny state

Local Queensland teenager, Tyson Bradley (17) says its a shame he’ll never be able to experience what the last bastion of nightlife culture in Australia feels like while strolling through Fortitude Valley, but he’s content in with drinking longnecks and brawling in the park near his house.

“Its a shame. After the lock-outs down in Sydney, all of a sudden Brisbane became a destination for partying. But, yeah, I’m just gonna miss out I think,”

“It’s all good. I don’t need to be in a licensed venue to act like a fuckwit. I can do it on the street or in the garage,”

With an estimated 60% opposition in Queensland Parliament late last night, an 11th hour change of mind from the Katter party was just what the ALP needed to push their newly dubbed “Pussies Policy” through today.

Bob Katter, leader of the Katter Australia Party has been ridiculed across the state today, with many people referring to him and his son as “nothing but yellow-skinned political whores”.

One disgruntled punter, Kerryl Darrigan (35), is a member of Katter’s very own electorate in North Queensland. He says these “stupid fuckin’ laws” have given him one less reason to leave the Deep North.

“I won’t even go to Brisbane for the exhibition now. What’s the fucking point? Katter and all these fuckin’ wowsers have closed the pubs,”

Above: Kerryl and his mates enjoy a couple king browns in the Regatta Hotel. One of Brisbane's most fancy venues for visitors.

“Even if I do meet a good sort down there, I’ve got to get the thing sealed before midnight. What am I? Cinda-fuckin-rella?”

“I’ll just have to limit my drinking to the Commercial Hotel up here in Charters Towers. At least I can drink out of glass schooners,”