17 December, 2015. 15:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BOASTING TO HIS MATES by counting to ten in Bahasa Indonesian, Gavin Hoskins says he’s “near fucking fluent” in our closest neighbour’s language after landing back in Perth early this morning.
Indonesian is a form of standardised Malaysian and is considered to be an easier language to learn but one of the most difficult to master.
“Nama saya Gavin, cunt,” said Hoskins, through a haze of clove cigarette smoke. “My carry on was chock full of smokes. Didn’t declare a single fucking one either.”
He has fond memories of Bali. In 1997, Gavin booked his first tropical holiday after learning that the tourist mecca was substantially cheaper than his usual holiday up to the Top End. It hasn’t always been that case.
In a more sombre visit, Hoskins arrived in Denpasar to throw his support behind infamous Australian drug mule, Schapelle Corby. Despite not knowing her or the family, Gavin stayed to help and did whatever he could to help.
“I nearly went off the cunt of a place when they locked her up,” he said. “And when they shot those drug runners, it nearly made me fucking blow my lid. But then I remembered. That’s the corrupt, disgusting Indonesian government at work. The Balinese people are beautiful and that why I keep going back.”
According to the Bureau of Statistics, nearly all Australian passport holders travelling to Bali attained an ATAR below 70. Most work in menial roles such as boiler making or advertising. Half of those polled by the ABS said they didn’t know who the current prime minister is.