Local Paedophile Can’t Wait To See Where The Catholic Church Sends Him Next

"I've been browsing through the pamphlets they provided me with all day."

Local Paedophile Can’t Wait To See Where The Catholic Church Sends Him Next

1 March, 2016 10:02


Local man, Father Jarrod Ricedale, says he is very excited to see which parish the Catholic Church decides to relocate him to next – following his most recent bout of child sex offences.

“I’ve been browsing through the pamphlets they provided me with all day. My bags are packed and everything,” says the 52-year-old, who has already been shifted between several parishes since he was first accused of paedophillia over thirty-five years ago,”

“I’m hoping they send me up North… Mt Isa is beautiful around this time of the year. Ballarat was too cold!” he joked.

“…and the Pacific islands could be nice. I hear you can get away with pretty much anything in the third world,”

Father Ricedale is just one of several thousand alleged paedophile priests within the Australian Catholic church. It is through his work as a predatory child-molesting man of the cloth, that he has seen so much of this country.

“The moment things get a bit dicey, they just pack me up. I feel like I’m living out of a briefcase in this job… They move me around that much! [laughter]”

When asked if the current Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse was making things harder for priests who need to be relocated, Mr Ricedale says it’s just a matter of being a bit more vigilant.

“Once upon a time they would bounce us around the country like pinballs,”

“But then Cardinal Pell got a job in the Vatican and it was like our veil had been lifted. We need to be a bit more careful nowadays,”

“He was always really good at getting us relocated to shitty towns with fuck all going on,”

“But the moment this Royal Commission started he took off and now he can’t come back because apparently he’s sick,”

Pell, Australia’s most senior member of the Catholic church, appeared before the Royal Commission via video stream yesterday, where he conceded that the church’s handling of child sexual abuse was “catastrophic”, but also pointed out his memory was beginning to fail him.

“the church has in many places, certainly in Australia, has mucked things up, has let people down. I’m not here to defend the indefensible.” Pell said while being questioned.

Pell is Prefect of the Secretariat for the Economy of the Holy See, making him third-highest ranked Catholic in the Vatican. It is unlikely that he will ever return home for fear that he might go to prison for taking advantage of children that trusted, and in some cases, worshipped him.

Back in Australia, Father Risedale has his bags packed. “I’m hoping they send me up to Fiji to help out with a bit of disaster relief to begin with,”

“Anywhere but Betoota, those boys will snitch on anyone,”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.