28 April, 2016 11:35
MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT
In breaking news, local mother of three Kimberly Seeto is set to be offered the undesirable job of tuckshop convenor at the next meeting of the Betoota State Primary School P&F.
P&F secretary Jamie Croon – the father of dimwitted year two student Jason – revealed to The Betoota Advocate that Mrs Seeto is set to be offered the basically pointless role due to a severe lack of interest.
“We really fucking struggle to get anyone who’s up for it these days. Since the tuckshop did away with meat pies, sausage rolls, and choccy milk, no bastard wants to touch it” he said.
“Once upon a time we had lines backed up to the basketball courts of kids trying to get their daily fix of Pizza Rounders and coca-cola. Nowadays its like a ghost town,”
Betoota State Primary School last year removed items from its menu which were considered ‘unhealthy’, and despite being part of the diets of countless generations of healthy Betootanese, products such as Burger Men, chicken nuggets, and soft drink were given the flick in favour of fruit bags, sugarless crackers, and fat-reduced almonds.
“I remember the tuckshop at Betoota SS had fucking pie and peas on the menu” local constable Scott Hannam said.
“No fucking school would do that these days, the fuckwit parents would have a fucking field day”.
Despite the unappealing menu items and descriptors such as ‘shithouse’ being levelled from the primary school student population, Mrs Seeto is understood to have grand plans to introduce kale and sushi plates to the Tuckshop.
“What fucking kid is eating that shit for lunch in Betoota?”
“It takes three days for the cold-transport truck to get out here to the Channel Country, you take your fucking life in your hands eating sushi in 45 degree heat at lunchtime” said local man and former student Sammy ‘Rum Pig’ Thomson.
The next P&F meeting is on Thursday.