28 September, 2016. 12:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
SPEAKING CANDIDLY TO The Advocate this morning, an A-list Hollywood actress has explained that she “doesn’t really give two fucks about rainforests or refugees” and prefers to spend her downtime with friends shouting cocaine and good times.
Aside from being paid millions of dollars to make movies and promote products for vast multi-national corporations, the actress said that after she’s down with work, she’s simply too tired to care about anything else.
“I doff my cap to all the others, the Clooneys, DiCaprios and Emma Watsons of the world. They must be exhausted,” she explained.
“But the feeling they must get from helping Africans not die must be the same feeling I get when I have my PA inject heroin into a vein under my tongue so my agent doesn’t see the train tracks. Then there’s flying my friends out from when I was just a bag of shit trying to make a living, before all this. We get on it, hard. Coke, boys, clubs, fuck me dead – you name it, we’ll do it,”
“Some would say I have an obligation to use my celebrity and enormous wealth to help people, but you only live once and I love being rich and selfish, fuck me right?” she said.
While The Advocate would enjoy disclosing who we spoke with this morning, the actress in question remarked that she’d “quite enjoy” watching her bodyguard drown me in the pool, so in the interest of life, she shall remain anonymous.
With additional reporting from Variety Magazine.