Local cargo bike wanker really wishes Brisbane was more like Copenhagen

"Brisbane has a lot of hills, but I have huge calves." he said.

Local cargo bike wanker really wishes Brisbane was more like Copenhagen

30 September, 2016. 13:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

NEARLY 9 IN 10 BRISBANESE PEOPLE believe that the best place for a cyclist is under the 555 bus to Sunnybank, but that hasn’t stopped one local wanker from bringing a little bit of Danish culture to the River capital.

Micha Bradley even purchased the pedal vehicle online from a small, artisan manufacturer in Copenhagen (København)  back in 2011. Since then, his calves have grown and his commute from the cosmopolitan enclave of Sherwood to the city has become a joy, rather than a necessary chore.

“I guess I’m the only person in Brisbane that doesn’t own a car!” said the 27-year-old Hutchinson project manager. “All the Islander boys at work put shit on me for riding a cargo bike, but they don’t know the health benefits that come from daily exercise. Scaffolding isn’t real exercise.”

However, things weren’t as rosy for convicted arsonist.

Bradley revealed to The Advocate that he misspent his youth getting up to no good with his rough-and-tumble mates from a government school.

“At my worst, I was chroming seven tins of Lynx Dark Temptation at day,” he explained.

“My lungs would’ve looked like garbage bags, I was in a bad way. But then I found my calling in life. Danish cargo bikes.” he said.

The full-time-stay-at-home-son’s father also had a few choice comments regarding his boy’s new hobby, saying that his wife of 30 years has given up all hope of holding a grandchild.

Gil Brady explained that Bradley’s fascination with cargo bikes has had a negative impact on his life, with his mates down at the Indooroopilly Hotel struggling to contain their laughter each time he gets a lift with him to the pub.

“I lost my licence a month ago for high-range. Ran over a cyclist and put him in one of those fancy electric wheelchairs you drive with your chin,” said Gil.

“The bully man took away my right to drive on the spot, now I have to sit in the cargo area of the boy’s gay bike and have him pedal me down to the pub,”

“Not ideal, but what can you do?”

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