10 August, 2016. 14:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
A regional Queensland secession (‘Rexit’) is the next piece of legislation to be introduced into Parliament by the Katter Australia party, as the current State Government continue to impose laws that adversely affect the livelihood of people who don’t live in trendy Brisbane suburbs.
It is believed this legislation will be supported by Labor cowboys, Billy Gordon and Rob Pyne, after both regional members discovered that Deputy Premier, Jackie Trad, was unable to remember their names during a recent state parliament sitting.
This proposal, which includes new boundaries and a new state flag for the egalitarian state of ‘Katter Country’, coincides with the reports that State Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk had told regional Queenslanders to not bother filling out the 2016 Census, because they ‘weren’t going to be noticed anyway’
The new state of Katter Country will encompass all of districts north of Noosa and west of Ipswich – with the city of Toowoomba begging to be included, in their quest to finally get a ‘decent fucking airport.’
Regional food producers have said they are not concerned about the Brisbane-sized hole that will be left in their domestic market.
Chinchilla-based farmer, Brad Morely says “Fuck the domestic market, we can export the lot. We’ll build a port in the Gulf and send it all up north.”
“It’ll save me and my mates a lot of sleepless nights worrying about what knee-jerk policy this ALP cartel want to throw at us next. They are actually blaming me for what they’ve done to the Great Barrier Reef.”
Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has labelled the call for a new state as ‘hysterical’ and says that farmers don’t understand that the only people that should have permission to clear trees are high-rise developers.
“They are wingeing about these vegetation laws [Yawn]” she says.
“It’s like they think they can do whatever they want on their own land. They aren’t the Theiss Brothers you know,”
“I don’t want them to leave, but it’ll keep my preferences happy if they do. I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with them during drought.”
However, while Palaszczuk is hesitant to entertain the idea, her Deputy Trad says she will support the bill and bury the shovel as soon as the ink dries.
“Maybe we can build a wall,” she says.
“These dumb bushies think that we need them to survive [laughter]”.
“We’ll be just fine on our Eumundi Macadamia nuts and disastrously excessive fishing industry, thank you very much.”