8 August, 2016. 11:02
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
FIRST IT WAS THE LATE model Falcon they got through Motor Finance Wizard, then it was a 54-inch plasma television they got for having their second.
However, since the controversial Baby Bonus scheme was scrapped in 2014, junkies around Australia haven’t been able to afford a new flat screen for the Rio games.
In fact, the collapse of tech department stores Dick Smith is blamed partially on the axing of the payment scheme, which saw new parents receive thousands in cash payments from the Commonwealth. However, for the most part, the lion’s share of the money wasn’t used to cover baby-related expenses.
Baby Bonuses were traditionally spent on junkie staples, like new televisions and gaming consoles. Some drug users even purchased motor vehicles with it.
“We got a new one for London, which was good because we’re usually up all night having physical altercations and smoking. Rio is also in a similar timezone, so we’re disappointed we can’t upgrade for these games. No doubt we’ll be doing exactly the same thing as we were four years ago,” he said.
“Nobody told us about the Baby Bonus being scrapped, either. We got pregnant in October so we’d be able to get the new plasma in time for Rio, but they fucked us,”
“Another mouth to feed and watching the Olympics on a four-year-old television. Life cannot get any worse.”