Johnny Walker targets lucrative jet ski-owners market with new Blue Label & Cola cans

"I bought an above ground pool from Clark Rubber last year, look forward to sinking a few Blue tins in the cunt soon," he said.

Johnny Walker targets lucrative jet ski-owners market with new Blue Label & Cola cans

30 July, 2016. 12:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

FOR THE MAN THAT HAS EVERYTHING – Johnny Walker announced today that they’re targeting people who have four-car garages, above ground spas from Clark Rubber and jet skis with their new Blue Label & Cola cans.

The product is set to launch later this year with quite a hefty price tag. Recommended retail starts at up to $25 each in every six or $559 for a carton.

Making it the most expensive ready-to-drink alcoholic products on Earth, Johnny Walker is optimistic that the lucrative ‘started-at-the-bottom-now-we-here’ market will pay off in the long run.

“It’s a very exciting time to be in the liquor business,” said Johnny Walker Asia-Pacific Sales Manager, Greg Morrison.

“The world is going to shit around us and when that happens, people tend to drink more. With this new Blue Label product, we obviously aren’t targeting the everyday punter. This is for the decerning gentleman who knows the difference between a Honda and a Kawasaki jet ski. For the man who has a Bali-inspired pergola out the back beside the pool,”

“While we agree that the FIFO boom is nearing the end, meaning that we don’t expect enormous sales, but there are cashed-up bogans still kicking around. This is a treat that will be sure to lure them out.”

Former unskilled tyre retreader Kaylan Christopher couldn’t believe his luck when he was offered a position in Kalgoorlie with Caterpiller way back in 2007.

He went from smoking on the couch next to his infant children each night, to earning close to a quarter of a million dollars a year in the space of only a few short weeks. As he never had any real financial counselling, all the money he was earning in Kalgoorlie as a FIFO worker, he was blowing on stupid toys.

“I bought three off-the-plan apartments without even looking at them in the middle of a housing bubble. Then I bought a jet ski,” he said.

“But yeah, I’ll be getting around these Blue Label tins for sure. My wife Xanthe loves scotch, she’d bloody near slide off the couch if I chucked her one of these before the Footy Show,”

“We used to have an above ground spa, but it electrocuted and killed my Uncle Ron so we don’t use it anymore. Still have it, but.”

5 Responses to "Johnny Walker targets lucrative jet ski-owners market with new Blue Label & Cola cans"

  1. Neil Carter   July 31, 2016 at 7:58 am

    You magnificent bastards the truth finally being told,keep up the great work

    Reply
  2. Den   August 2, 2016 at 8:39 am

    Well Scot…Most people call it Scotch !!! If the pay for it they can put whatever they want in it…

    Reply
  3. Baz   November 23, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    Not impressed… johnny walker blue goes great on the malloo’s spark plugs, and the coke’ll fuck that right up won’t it!!!

    Reply
  4. TheGoat   November 23, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Scot, it’s Scotch whisky.. that makes it Scotch. Also anyone who brags about how good Blue Label is wouldn’t have a bloody clue about the stuff.

    Reply

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