John Eales is putting soothing voice to good use by voicing GPS systems

"He's a new man. His road rage is practically gone." he said.

John Eales is putting soothing voice to good use by voicing GPS systems

17 November, 2016. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN A DAY AND AGE when road rage is becoming more and more common, it’s nice to have a voice of reason behind the wheel – and now, that voice can be John Eales.

The former Wallabies captain has leant his pipes to global GPS navigation giant TomTom, so that rugby union fans can simmer down and take the long way back, listening to the second-rower guide them home.

“My road rage problem was beginning to impact on those around me,” said Dennis Reprobate (52). “I’d grip the wheel and scream and shout. Sometimes I’d take the battery out of the garage remote and throw it at bad drivers.”

“Once I even ran over a cyclist. Went straight over the top of him. Knocked it back into third and planted it, never heard anything about it.” he said.

That’s when wife Gwendolyn (29) knew something was wrong.

“He was going to go end up in prison at the rate he was going,” she said. “Just last week, he ran a Chinaman off the road, snapped the aerial¬†off our car, dragged the poor man out of his and whipped him with the aerial until the police arrived.”

“So when I read that John Eales had voice the new TomTom, I knew I just had to get it. His voice is so soothing. It’s like the cool change that comes through during a big Brisbane electrical storm. Like seeing those dolphins slide across the stage at SeaWorld. Euphoric.”

And that seemed to do the trick.

Since installing the Eales-voiced GPS system in his aerial-less late model Falcon, the Sanctuary Cove resident hasn’t paralysed any cyclists of been arrested for flogging Chinamen half to death on the shoulder of the Bruce Highway.

“It’s magic,” said Gwendolyn.

“He’s a new man – and it’s all thanks to John Eales.”

The Advocate reached out to John Eales for comment, but have yet to receive a reply.

 

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