24 November, 2016. 11:23
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
HE KNEW THE MEME WAS dead when he started seeing them on Facebook, but it was long buried on his favourite ‘alt-right’ imageboards when the white girls at work begun talking about him.
Wishing he’d listened more in school so he wouldn’t have to work in media buying, Brett Gloveman says that going to work each day is a chore, knowing that the account managers and other assorted ‘normies’, as his internet friends label them, would be talking about ‘Harambe’ non-stop – something that died well before David Bowie .
But the true horror still awaited him.
Yesterday evening, the 26-year-old full-time-live-at-home-son recoiled in revulsion as his mother began talking about the ‘tragic death of an American gorilla, named Harambe’.
“‘Fuck me,’ I thought,” he said. “I need to move out of home. But, the fact that this stupid fucking monkey’s death has become inter-generational is just appalling. The poor cunt of a thing’s died a second death. It’s bad enough when these fucking Chads put memes of their Facebook while they walk home from the gym.”
“But my own mother, Jesus wept. She celebrates the cat’s birthday for Christ’s sake. She shouldn’t be shitposting and calling for dicks to be out. Honestly.” he said.
Caught in the middle of her son’s existential meltdown, mother Gwenda says that she noticed that all the kids she’s friends with on Facebook were all talking about this dead ape in The States, so she decided to join in the fun.
“His death, while tragic, will serve as a warning to society. Dying a martyr wasn’t Harambe’s purpose in life, but sometimes destiny finds us, not the other way around,” said Gwenda, while he son sat idly in the kitchen contemplating whether or not to throw himself into traffic.
“As a teacher, I have to interact with children all day – and even most of my pupils are still talking about him. Brett says it’s because their parents are ‘wok-eyed yuppie cunts who wouldn’t know a dank-deep-fried meme if it hit them in the face’, so there’s that.”
More to come.