30 January, 2015. 19:48
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
A GOLD COAST family have today publicly announced that they will no longer have anything to do with their eighteen-year-old son, after his “disgraceful display of commonness”.
But, what did he do? William got drunk and accidentally revealed his new “Southern Cross” tattoo to his parents.
Bill and Suzie McClymont, former wine-growers from Stanthorpe, have lived on the Gold Coast for five years now – after an early retirement saw the family take a “seachange” while their youngest child was still in high school.
However it seems the McClymonts are regretting the decision more and more each day. As Bill puts it, five years on the Gold Coast was “more than enough time for the boy to turn feral”.
“He’s done some stupid shit before… drink driving, punching on at school, smoking dope… you name it. He’s always been high maintenance,”
“… but I was a bit like that as a young bloke. I never thought he’d do this – it’s the first time I’ve seen one of the boys make their mother cry,” says a distraught Bill McClymont when describing his son’s latest “f**k-up”.
“A southern cross tattoo? Are you f**king kidding me?!”
Mr McClymont says his wife has been in a state of shock since the discovery on Australia Day.
“It was probably the worst way for her to see it, he’s gone and come home flogged from [Surfer’s Paradise], with an Aussie flag draped over his shoulders and no shirt on. The little shit let his guard down and we saw it. His brother’s weren’t impressed. I was ropable… his mother is a shell of what she used to be,”
Teddy, the oldest of the four McClymont boys, said the situation became toxic when his youngest sibling refused to take part in the resolution put forward by his older brothers.
“I could see mum was a wreck and Dad was ready to kill the little prick. We came up with an idea…” said Teddy, a bricklayer from Upper Coomera
“I said we would remove the tattoo from his back on the spot – either that or he could go and get f**ked. Sure, it’s pretty brutal – but you should have seen our folks… ”
“Anyway, he refused our proposition. He started banging on about how he was proud to be an Aussie or some shit… going on about how us taking off the tatt with a cheese-grater was ten times worse than him getting it in the first place,”
“We had to ask him to leave before Pete (second oldest brother) knocked his f**king teeth out.”
Mr McClymont and his three remaining sons have stated that the family have told William that he is no longer welcome in the family home.
“We’ve stopped paying for his phone bill, car rego, all that shit. He’s not welcome here anymore… if it wasn’t for his mother’s bleeding heart I would have had him removed from our health insurance as well,”
“He knows the score… either the tattoo goes or we spend the rest of our life pretending he never existed.”