30 March, 2016. 15:10
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
George Robert Christensen MP has today called for a Royal Commission into why Sizzler outlets keep closing down across Australia.
The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that the nation’s favourite all-you-can-eat restaurant chain is disappearing in front of our very eyes.
“The $14 dollar salad bar and buffet special at Sizzler is as Australian as Toadfish Rebecchi’s goatee,”
“It is a very important part of Australian life and family unity… [heavy breathing] their delicious complimentary cheese toast needs to be protected,”
The company that owns the iconic Australian buffet outlet, Collins Foods, has announced they will continue to shut down under-performing Sizzler restaurants – after the struggling brand posted $10.4 million loss for 2015, compared to a $14 million profit the year before.
However, Christensen – who has already called for two different referendums in the last twelve months – says this isn’t good enough.
“We need to look at local council’s response to struggling Sizzler franchises. We need to look at the brand itself,”
“Why are Australians no longer indulging in this delectable high-carb past time? Is it because of halal certification? Has it got anything to do with the gays?”
The far-right National party representative has made headlines of late for his outspoken opposition to the Safer Schools program which is aimed at helping young LGBTI teens not hurt themselves. Christensen said talking about gay stuff only makes gay stuff okay.
“Gay people don’t need encouragement to be gay. They need to be told to stop being so gay around me”
More recently, the walking Lowes advertisement has also been ridiculed over his call for a separate state of North Queensland.
“If North Queensland is allowed to secede… I will be building a wall to keep out all the kale-eating gays and Muslims that have made life so hard for businesses like Sizzler,”
However, Townsville mayor Jenny Hills says she would walk backwards from Bourke if George Christensen has any say in how a North Queensland republic would be run.
“The bloke is from Mackay. It’s not even that North… He can get fucked for all I care,”
“His idea of North Queensland is not really what it’s like up here. He wants it to be like Texas with a bunch of fat gay-hating Christians sitting in buffets and complaining about Muslims,”
“He can call for as many Royal Commissions as he likes but no one is gonna listen to that fat prick.”